just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize