I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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