i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
