Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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