Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Randomize