You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am puke
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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