Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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