what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
