I want to make a zoo with you.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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