My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
