WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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