oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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