dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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