Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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