my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Pants are for mortals
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