I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
