We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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