I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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