I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
