Fuck appropriateness.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize