i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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