I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
