thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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