If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
