i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I love you.
Bad choice
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
