he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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