now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
