Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
