You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
