med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
