At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize