I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
