my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
