this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize