I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize