be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
