Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
