I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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