He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
