We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
