:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
