Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
