there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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