I need help removing her.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
