god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
