I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
