he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
