how can u be prego again
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
