I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
