If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
