i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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