I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize