Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
