There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
