I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Randomize
