If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
