??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
