I'm going to jail i love you
I'm jealous of your bromance
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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