You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
third nipple confirmed
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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