You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
