Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
