I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
