you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
