Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize