she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
