booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
