remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
