The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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