when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Boobs speak an international language.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
