Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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