is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
me + whiskey = a bad person
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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