It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
