what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
