strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
