I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
