I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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