i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize