so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
