His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
