Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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