So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
