Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
