Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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