Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
