I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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