well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Who did Billy Mays play for?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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