Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
