There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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