Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This is classic penis vs brain.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
