Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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