remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
