I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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