I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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