It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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