So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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