OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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