i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
