watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
