I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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