Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize