we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
