guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
