So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
