If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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