i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
