We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
