Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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