If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
