Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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