final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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