I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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